A new Mantra

Ow, ow, ow. That's been my mantra for the past couple of runs and recovery days. Ugh. I'm at a loss. I haven't done anything unusual to my knee but its angry nonetheless. Every footfall feels either like bone is hitting bone (like a pencil being poked REALLY hard into the side of your knee if you want a comparison), or it has felt like someone stuck steel wool in there. It's only on one side so I'm starting to wonder if that so-called "minor" tear in my meniscus has somehow gotten bigger? Or maybe my knee just isn't happy for some other reason. Either way, running, with or without a brace at the moment, sucks. My angry knee is twice the size of my good knee, even with daily icing and rest days. Okay, so with that whining done, what do I do about this? The way I see it I have three options, each with their own issues. 1. Go see another doctor. The Pros to this is that maybe they'll tell me what is going on and be able to help take away this pain. The Cons is what I've been dealing with since I injured myself. Doctors that if they don't see an issue on an X-ray, there's nothing wrong, right? Well I have a healed cracked knee, slightly torn meniscus and 50% of my cartilage that says xrays don't show the full picture all of the time. Never mind waiting in that ER eats up half of a day. 2. See my doctor for a physio referral. Pros, I know my doctor will give me one and maybe the physiotherapist will figure out what's going on. I could get a different brace, one that is called an un-loader so it takes the pressure of that angry side of my knee..or Cons, they could be as incompetent as my last physiotherapist and do more harm than good. 3. Do nothing, keep running with the brace, grit through the pain, ice constantly, and hope someday I don't totally collapse on the sidewalk. Pros...well that saves me tons of time in doctor visits. Cons, well that description pretty well sums it up. So what do I do?

How did I forget that?!

Yesterday I managed to forget to bring my brace. Yeah, really. Somehow I totally forgot the 5lbs of neoprene and plastic hinges sitting on my kitchen counter as I packed the rest of my gear. I had a remarkably short debate with myself at the end of the day when I was getting ready for my run-commute. Do I skip it since I have no idea how my knee will feel afterwards if I run without it (but probably not great), or say screw it and go for it. I went for it. In the interest of total honesty though it did take me 5 minutes to work up the courage to transition from a walk to a jog. The run itself went pretty darn good. The Saucony Hurricane 16's are incredibly cushy but comfortable. My feet were very happy. My knee...not so much. I kept dialing back my pace and taking short little steps to keep the impact to a minimum, but even then it felt like someone was stabbing a pencil into the side of my knee with each footfall. Guess I need that brace after all. After my daughter and I got home we quickly threw our stuff aside and jumped (I stepped ;-)) into the small pool we bought the other day. My knee was instantly happier after getting submerged in the cold water. I sat there for a good 5 minutes watching my daughter dance around with the pool noodles. Now this is the kind of recovery I can get used to! So, so far so good. I managed my 5k of training yesterday. Today I've got either a 5k or some speed work (Ha!) of 7x400. I think I may switch up the so-called "speed work" with hill training of 7x30 seconds though since I'm likely to get a better workout that way with the brace on. I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about my chances of completing the Navy 10k and then the Half Marathon. I am also longing for one of Jodi and Karine's trail races, but when their 5k trail race equals the toughest 10k you've ever imagined, I know I'm not ready for that kind of running...just yet. My heart is already back out there though, now I just need my legs to catch up!

I'm In! (Gulp)

I pulled the trigger. I took the leap. Yup, I signed up for a half marathon in September! I don't think I've been this nervous since my first ultra! Okay, so the details. I'm running the Sunrise Half Marathon at the Maritime Race Weekend on September 12th. I've run the full marathon on this course so I know the half marathon route, which follows the first 40% of the full marathon route. It's a scenic, hilly but fun half marathon. It also comes with swag and a cool medal, which is half the reason I picked it. My opinion is that if I'm going to do this I want something to show for it in the end and while the MEC half marathon in October is a bit easier and cheaper it doesn't give me anything other than a non descript bib to show for my training and effort on race day. I want the medal, damn it! It also helps that this race course goes right past my house, so travel won't be an issue ;-) I've got four weeks to my first 10k race with my brace. So far the training has been going pretty well. I haven't had any major setbacks and I've managed to be consistent with at least 4 runs a week. So far so good. I decided to follow the Runner's World Half marathon training plan because I think I need some guidance and the fact it also follows a run 4 times a week schedule. This weekend it has me doing a 12k run. I haven't gone that far yet this year (at one go), so I'm excited/nervous at the prospect. The bonus though is that I finally got NEW SHOES! Yes, my husband and I both got a pair of Saucony Hurricane 16s this past Saturday. I actually haven't run in them yet per se, but I plan on it this afternoon as I do my first Half Marathon training run of 5k. So, stay tuned for a shoe review coming soon!

Being thankful and daring to dream

Yesterday's run was a good run. It was hot as all heck but I managed a solid pace for 3 miles. I was extra pleased later last night when my leg wasn't throbbing like crazy either. It just goes to show some days will be good. I wanted to post on Facebook but it just seems so silly to post "Had a great 3 mile run!", yet I could use the support too. I am so thankful for my mother who made sure I got treatment right away and I didn't have to be a victim of Canada's public health wait list for a year. I'm thankful for my wonderful husband who supports me by taking care of our daughter so I can run and caring enough to ask how I'm feeling. I'm also grateful for my online support which, honestly, has really helped me as they also know what it's like to live with OA day to day and all the ups and downs that brings. I'm also SO incredibly thankful for still being able to get out there and run most days, even if it is with a leg brace now. On my run yesterday I made sure to go through one of the only parks between my work and my daughter's day camp. As I ran along the tiny little patch of dirt trail I imagined being in one of Jodi and Karine's races, with the forest around me and 45kms ahead. Ah, a girl can dream, right?

Another Pep Talk and new Plan of Action

Yesterday I had a check up with my orthopedic surgeon. I pretty well knew what would be said before I got in there. So it was no surprise I had my fifth pep talk about this injury taking time to heal, as much as it will, and if I don't find any significant relief in the next few months I can ask for another HA injection. The first injection seemed to improve how long I could go through the day without pain meds so maybe in a few months another one will help get me back into better running form. We'll see. Between now and November though I'll be doing all I can to get my leg back to the new normal as best I can. My plan of attack: 1. Keep running, consistently at least 4 times a week. 2. Run that 10k in August and half marathon race in the fall. I would personally like I run a half marathon a bit earlier than what I have planned but we'll see if there are any cheaply priced ones around. 3. Lose these damned injury pounds. I've been thinking about going vegetarian, I pretty much follow that way of eating now, except for, well, bacon. 4. Look for a non-neoprene leg brace. I didn't know neoprene would give me a rash if I wear it too long, but now I know. It's probably been adding to my hatred of the thing so the less I resent the brace the better. 5. Get a new pair of running shoes! A new pair of running shoes is a great motivator for any runner but besides that I seriously need a new pair. So that's it. My in-laws are visiting tonight but I'm still going to get my short run-commute in before making supper for them. I'll try not to drip into the pots and pans lol.

Slog On!

Well, even after yesterday's whine fest I managed to get out for a run. The heat was insane as I left work so I was happy to jump on the indoor track (that circles an ice rink!) once I picked up my daughter from day camp. In total I managed 5km walking and running, but more walking really. Regardless, I was soaked and from what I hear today will be more of the same. I've been trying to space out my runs so I have a day of rest between them but with this week's schedule; my surgeon appointment tomorrow afternoon, then my in-laws (maybe) visiting Thursday overnight, I want to make sure a possible two days rest doesn't evolve into three or four days. But back to yesterday's run. I started off slow, because hey, I've got a leg brace on so I figure no one will be too judgey if I'm moving at a snail's pace, trying hard to focus on my landings so I push off from a neutral position rather than over pronate, which I've somehow developed lately (I need to see a physiotherapist again!). I thought about a YouTube video I was watching/listening to earlier which discussed how to "reverse" arthritis. The host had some interesting opinions about extinction events and vaccines, but his reasoning around food, exercise and pain certainly gave me a few light bulb moments. His case was that it is processed food which is causing our bodies to develop chronic conditions, such as repetitive overuse injuries, MS and arthritis, and by going vegetarian and exercising at least 30 minutes a day we would alleviate much of the issues we experience. I'm not sure its the miracle cure he says but it certainly is simple (and cost efficient) enough to try. So, 30 minutes a day shouldn't be too hard. I already do that in a typical day. It's the no meat and no processed foods bit that will be more difficult. It did have me thinking about my recent trip to France though. Honestly, I saw one overweight person while I was there and you wouldn't consider her obese. Their culture is not obsessed with food or diets, although they love their food. They eat three-four meals a day. Their meals are big enough (and delicious) to satisfy you until the next meal so snacking just isn't a thing there. Really. I didn't see corner stores selling candy, chips or sticks of pepperoni and cheese, nope. You eat a real meal and move on. No one was fretting about this sauce or those calories at all. Top that off with endless amounts of daily walking and you've got a society filled with average-sized, healthy adults. I think we in North America could learn a thing or two about that approach, but then the multi-billion dollar diet industry would be out of business. But I digress... Once I got to the day camp we went up to the refreshing ice rink track and did laps for 30 minutes. My daughter raced around me, lapping me as she stopped for breaks in between (the little speed monster!). It was nice to get back on the track though. I used to spend a lot of time there and I know how helpful those sessions were to my training over the years. For a moment I had the glint of feeling like my old runner-self, just with an extra 30lbs of "injury" pounds added. One day, one run, at a time right? Right.

I can do this...right?

This past week of running has been a slog-fest. I've forced myself to get through each run interval and walked far more than I should. I've been achieving my goals in distance but it's literally been taking me twice as long as it used to to accomplish it. It is very frustrating. To boot, I need new shoes as the ones I bought just before the accident have finally worn out, or rather my "good" leg's shoe has worn out from the new weight imbalance. I don't even know what shoe would work for me nowadays. Do I continue to buy minimal shoes, knowing I need far more forefoot padding than I used to? Do I stick with what I know? Does it matter since I'm slower than a turtle in peanut butter? I'm not just frustrated with my shoe choice though, it's my lack of groove. I just want to be back to normal. I want to just throw on a pair of shoes and go, to feel that steady beat of my feet, wind in my hair and sweat on my forehead. Lately though it's felt more like some kind of weird horse gallop, no wind (I'm not going fast enough) and yes, there is sweat, a lot of it, everywhere except on my forehead. Ugh. I'm doubting myself. My ability to "get through this", my ability to bounce back in any shape or form. It doesn't help that my husband, who used to be my biggest supporter, now me tells me to take more time off. I am taking it easy though. Honestly. I run up to 4 times a week (down from 6-7) and I still haven't cracked that 8km mark, although I've only made it to 8km once in the past 6 months. So it's not like I'm overdoing it. I see my surgeon this week. This appointment is an update since I had the HA injection 3 months ago. I'll tell him that I think it had some positive affect. I don't hurt all day long any longer, now the more severe pain waits until the end of the day. I'll also tell him that I need a new physiotherapist as my last one was a total bust (treating the wrong side of the knee). I still ice every. single. day. I still take pain killers every. single. day. My leg still swells, sometimes with the changes in weather, sometimes for no apparent reason at all. And I still wake up most nights with some kind of leg pain, whether it be my quadriceps or my knee. We'll see what he says. I don't really expect him to do anything actually. I expect him to tell me (again) to have patience and that this takes time and to continue to push through the pain when I run...and he'll see me in another 3 months. I don't expect him to suggest more HA therapy or anything more invasive, and I can't get a different brace until next year when my insurance will cover it, so really, there's not much to chat about. But I'll go, because at least he encourages me to run.